Don't you ever miss me?
Whispered promises of forever,
Or, subtle, those kisses
Which spoke of eternity.
A fire lit, burnt out of control-
Now gone, simple ashes,
Even the embers
Have gone cool.

So, I'm thinking maybe DeviantArt lost its lustre. You know how you get caught up in the day to day, but you always dedicate a slice of time to the things that mean something to you? I miss people here, not very often. I feel pretty disconnected from everyone in the world except my husband and kids. I go to work, I joke around, and I leave every social encounter feeling- hallow, jaded.

I had such big dreams for the world. Big dreams of diversity, awe, and just a shred more intelligence than I find in even the most complex of social cliques that allow me anywhere near their sacred meeting locations. I find I've had a blanket over my head the whole time, dancing around them like a child playing "ghost" in the middle of the night.

Darkness. That's what the world was before, and even then it wouldn't have mattered because my eyes were closed. Now, they're opened a little bit, and the sun has started to shine. What little I can see, or have seen above the dark underbelly of sin and corruption, seems very dry and boring. Monotony is best served in shades of gray.

Was I naive? oh yea. I missed out on the lectures of how boring life would get to be once I had to make a living. Or...study in order to be able to make a living. And what, truely, is the point of blowing money on college if you're going to go out and party so much you miss half your classes? Where is responsibility? Where is accountability? WHERE DID EVERYONE LEAVE THEIR BRAINS!?

Is the world growing stupider? Have I really been blind enough to be coaxed into compliance with reality TV? Is this the meaning of life? Living vicariously through a cathod ray tube was never my idea of having a real life, I had big dreams if you remember me saying so earlier.

Sponge. My brain, is a sponge. I log into classes, and I leave quoting the 5-4-3 rule, or the difference between full-duplex and half-duplex networks. What do the first four segments of an Ethernet II frame look like, and how do they differ from 802.3, 802.3/SNAP, or a Novell frame?! IEEE standard 802.3z sets up a standard for fiber-optic cable networks with high-performance servers with a fast data rate transfer, didn't you know that? 802.3u was for twisted pair cables, and 802.3 set up a thick coaxial cable network only capable of 10MBsp transfer rates- what a hoot when you realize we now have Gigabyte networks transferring at over 1000MBsp on a daily basis.

And this, I learn all this while taking multiple courses at Francis Tuttle.com and taking a "full time" college load from FMU online. It gets shuffled in politely between chasing kids around and working a few 3 hour shifts a week. But it sticks, thank god, and I wonder how someone with only one child and no job can honestly say they're overwhelmed. I don't get it. 2 kids? no job? no school? What can possibly cause someone's brain to cease functioning to such a degree that they can handle so very little?

Maybe most humans really do only use 10% of their brains. The rest have surely been numbed out by stupidity before they turn 25. Or maybe, just numbed from too much contact with stupidity.

.....This wasn't even a coherent rant. Maybe I should've outlined it before I wrote it.

-e